my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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