The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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