I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
