Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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