I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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