I need help removing her.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
