My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
