I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
