Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
