well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
