College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
