i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize