I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
