As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
