I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
