i jhust puked up my retainher.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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