drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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