I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
