1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
