Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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