That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
