maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
