my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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