There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
