remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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