And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize