Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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