im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
