She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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