Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize