He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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