woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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