dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
