Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
