I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It was confusing and full of hummus
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
