I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
