I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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