Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
