yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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