Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
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He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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