I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
