My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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