Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
