Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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