the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
