your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
