This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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