Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
