You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
