I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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