Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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