Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
