The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
