i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
