I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
