i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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