It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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