hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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