a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
